Hi friends. So currently I have a thing for Shane and Shane...like they're kinda just on my ipod but ive actually been listenin to em nd i REALLY like the cd. It makes me think...or spurs on thoughts...I duno theyre deffff cool. (ahh getting distracted..im watching Wild Weddings..there are some COOL weddings that people have...hehe..ok turning off the tv) anywho. You know what's been on my mind lately. My mother. I dont want her to sound bad or anything cause she isnt..she is wonderful its just it seems sorta like she is only ready to give the negative advice. Dont get me wrong she does tell me when shes proud of me or that she's glad she has a "good kid" but I hate telling her stuff because it seems like all she will do is tell me what is wrong in the scenario..but i think what I dislike even more is when I tell her stories or about situations and she doesnt say anything. I know its her mom technique (cause she told me but..whatever) to not say anything so that way I will continue telling her stuff because if she says something I dont like then I might not tell her anymore..she learns things when I tell her stuff. but i would rather her just at least comment on things. it drives me crazy. but I feel like she especially looks down on my relationship with scott ..even tho i know she really isnt. she likes scott a lot and she thinks we have something def. worthwhile and positive and a "good friendship" as she calls it but she NEVER comments on anything cept once when she said I was too clingy to scott, which, I deff. can be. but that was once. I can't talk about scott because she doesnt say anything and i feel like condesending thoughts go on in her head or something...I feel like she doesnt like us because shes afraid that we're too close and that we will end up hurting one another bad...or that there is definate hurt potential there but i dont think she realizes that we are serious about our relationship and we wouldnt let it fall all so easy..it would take a lot...and it would be a gradual downfall if any at all. I dont know. but anyways just any situation she seems to find the bad which always is "the view from the outside". i duno I understand her side of things it just really bothers me. which is why i tell stories to other people....instead of her. I think gilmore girls makes me want to be able to talk to my mom fer real..but then I try and i get frustrated and remember why I didnt want to try in the first place...gah this is too cliche..a teenage girl having issues with her mother....i hate cliche. hehe. cept this is different cause i think she is slightly oblivious to my frustration....but who knows. here, ill end on a good note. i love my mother.she is excellent at mothering me and she is lovely.i like her.
moving on. hehehe. so tomarrow I'm going to the crate to learn how to work there from Kate so I can be her lil temporary fill in person when she needs me which is lovely. that should be cool. I have such a busy weekend. I really just want to sleep. and my mom is in hilton head so im at my dads tonight which is cool cause im not usually at his house on school nights. maybe he'll let me skip tomarrow! hehe. jk. i have to be there for my group in english..anyways. oo today. I woke up at 7:45 , yall i REALLY did not want to get up ..i was SO warm and just comfortable and it was just painful...so then I had biology and we did a lab and got hw outta the way during class which was nice...then to math which went by excruciatingly slow (speaking of which i still have hw left to do) ...then we had FCA which was cool...I got pizza. yum. and people shared their testamonies and one of em was Jesse which was cool. You know whats weird. I really dont know him very well but I really like him. He just seems cool and approchable unlike a lot of people and he just seems like a really good guy. I think its just cause he actually will talk to me and say hey to me in the halls and tell me when frisbee is and not to say that other people dont its just something really friendly about him that makes him pleasant. I think the big part of it is cause I see God in him like crazy and it shows I guess. I dunno. tis odd. anywhos. heh. I love gummy bears..my dad always gets them for me and I LOVE THEM. Oh!! so I cried for the first time today over Crew & ELC. It was cause of Callie dearest's slideshow on her myspace and honestly it was the environment and scenery that made me START crying..just waking up every day to mountains and crisp cold morning air and the most amazing people in the world was incredible and I just realized how much I missed it...exactly 2 months ago we left ELC...it feels like so much longer. I would do so much just to be there now...heck Id hike UP the canyon if I had to to get there! hehe. but just thinking of elc is making me tear up but I will fight the tears. hehe. I miss the counselors SO much...like anna and keri and kelsey and jason...they were awesome and they did SO much for all of us and they all had so much to contribute to everything and i just miss hanging out with them and going to them to talk about any and everything. I realized scarily enough that i miss emilio like crazy. and just horse crew and I would give so much just to be dirty because of shoveling horse poop for 4 hours and happy as anything cause we just had the coolest conversation while doing so. I miss the crazy colorado weather...and the horses and the painting (walls and people...and barley....) and JESSI!!!! and mandy and the awesome places to do quiet times ( on a big rock on the hill by the barn) and the encouragement everyone gave to everyone and all the "YEAH CREW!!!!" 's and all the guitars and singing of "your beautiful" and washing pots and pans after dinner andmaking campers their b-fasts on wed. mornings. and actually feeling needed and actually having a full day of doing stuff. I miss brandon so much. he is one amazing guy. and kayla cause we'd have awesome conversations and SLEEPING UNDER THE STARS OUTSIDE OF THE TENTS = amazing....soooo many stars and so cold and waking up with dew all over the sleeping bag and pillow...gahhh i miss it...and hiking up to the cross at 4:30 only to realize the sun doesnt rise til 5:45 ish...hehe. that was awesome. its crazy to think how much God has given us. how many amazing things he's blessed us with... AND he's provided a way to live with him eternally and just SO MUCH for us...yet we are SO undeserving...thats love right there. golly He is incredible.
I think im off to do math hw...cause I really need to before I get sleepy....
love you all who read this...
-nc
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